Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly.

Lord have mercy on my soul; I am feeling so discouraged lately. It seems like, no matter what I do, something is either a) holding me back or b) just not working. All this does is make me want to push harder through these struggles that I’m facing. I have been jobless for quite a few months now because I was in school 35 hours a week, but now I’m at home, waiting for State Board to approach so that I can (hopefully) FINALLY get my cosmetology license, jobless, and broke. I am not one to say that money buys happiness or anything of that nature, but I want to be able to treat myself, do things with my friends and keep myself busy, etc. Having a boyfriend that lives out of town can really tear at the heart strings, but even more so when you’re sitting at home, alone, wishing that he was with you to watch “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” or eat an unhealthy amount of Panera Bread with. I do what I can to keep myself busy, but studying and working out only goes so long throughout the day.

Needless to say, I’m going insane.

I encourage each and every one of you to find a hobby that you love and don’t mind doing daily so that you don’t have to rely on others for your happiness. That, for me, is the gym. I have been obsessing over the gym more than ever to not only be healthy, but to keep my mind busy. I will be the first to admit that I have allowed, like, 80% of my happiness to be based off of my boyfriend, but is that healthy? Um, heck no. Also, that puts way too much pressure on him, which is EXTREMELY unfair. As he has drifted off into the Land of Suck (Coalinga), I have allowed my happiness to separate into different parts of my life. I keep my Bible next to my bed 24/7 as a reminder to wake up and pray immediately for a God-driven day, as I know His plans are far better than my own. I cannot deny that I’m not the greatest at reading my Bible and I really need to work harder at committing myself to it, but it’s definitely where a TON of my happiness lives. God is my EVERYTHING and I have been beyond foolish to let anything get in the way of that. The gym, hair and makeup, my puppy, my family, my friends and the random shenanigans that I get myself in to do an extremely great job at reminding me that sadness is an option. I need to remember that, as soon as I wake up in the morning, I can decide to be happy with this life that The Lord has provided for me because I am EXTREMELY blessed for what I have.

In my opinion, if you have a roof over your head, you are blessed.

“The things that you take advantage of, other people are praying for.”

I think that we all need to remind ourselves of this constantly. It’s so easy for most of us to open our doors, and just fall face first into our warm, comfortable beds like it’s no big deal. Wake up in the morning, make ourselves a hearty breakfast to start our day, get in our gassed up vehicles and go wherever the road takes us. What about the people on the sides of the roads, holding signs that say “Hungry” or “Struggling to survive”? Yes, I understand that a lot of homeless people use the money that they’re given to buy alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, but that’s not always the case. My grandfather once ran into a homeless man, begging for money, saying that he was sick with starvation. Rather than offering him money, my grandpa took him into the McDonald’s across the street and bought him a couple of cheeseburgers. Gestures that seem so simple to us, can literally flip someone’s whole day around or, better yet, change their lives completely.

Think about it.

Also, while your at it, hug your family and friends and thank them for all they have provided for you in this lifetime. Then, get on your knees and thank The Lord (if you believe in Him) for EVERYTHING because, without Him, you wouldn’t have your family, your friends, or your life at all. Most of us are so fortunate, but never take the time to fully understand just how fortunate we truly are. I challenge each and every one of you to count your blessings rather than sheep tonight. I promise, it’ll be good for you.

 

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