As you all know, the past seven-ish months have been tough for my family and me. My papa was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, and everything seemed to be going downhill. Shame on me; I was terrified that I was going to lose him sooner than I could ever imagine. He was so ill, though. Bedridden. He had tubes in his nose, machines attached to him, and an appetite of a bird. He hardly ate at all. Seeing him so sick really put life into perspective for me. Life is so dang short and unexpected. I lost faith and wondered why God would allow such pain on my papa. Why would He allow my family to feel this heartbreak? …I was confused.
Again, shame on me.
I remember crying at my boyfriend’s house one night because I was so upset. As David embraced me lovingly, he whispered to me, “Your papa is going to be okay, Jess.”
I thought that that was incredibly sweet, but it made me slightly angry. I thought to myself, how can David say that? My papa is bedridden, for pete’s sake. On the way home from David’s, I turned my radio off, cried my eyes out, and yelled at God. I was unmistakably infuriated at Him. I wish that I could say that I felt a sense of peace right then, but I didn’t. In fact, I made myself feel worse.
This carried on for what seemed like forever; then, my papa was transferred from a hospital to a rehab center. It was good feeling knowing that my papa was going to have a change of scenery, but I just wanted him home. We all did. My granny was alone at home. To make it worse, it was Christmas time. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all. On the positive side, however, we knew that the people at the rehab center were going to do the best that they could to get him well. He was there for what seemed like another lifetime, and was finally sent home. He had gained weight, exercised, and just… Looked so much better. We were thrilled to have him home. (Shout out to you, Papa Bobby. You’re such a freaking fighter.)
Wednesday, June 12, 2013… My mom, my granny, and my papa went to see his doctor to see if his chemotherapy is working. Guess what, ya’ll! It is! Now, he only has to do treatment two more times! After he’s done with that, he will be put on a maintenance pill. All I can say is that miracles happen every day. God is so wonderful and I absolutely regret yelling at Him after all He has blessed me with.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Everything happens for a reason. God is wonderful and faithful in all that He does. I am so in love with my God and all that He is capable of. Thank you, God, for everything. My papa is in the best shape that he had been in awhile. My advice to you all is to not give up hope or faith no matter what the circumstance is. Faith can move mountains ✟